A Special Thanksgiving Message!
Another holiday season is upon us, bringing us its bounty of reminders of what’s important in life … and what’s not. And so, I would like to take a moment to offer up my less-than-humble thanks from the gutter of life. I am thankful for Donald J. Trump; it’s good to have a recognizable face to go with the definition of sub-human. Of course, his pockets are deep enough to buy my love, if he really, really, wanted to—and I could really, really use the money, right now—since, as Jim Morrison said, “Money beats soul, every time.”
I am thankful for adversity because that which doesn’t kill you makes you stronger—until you get older and either lose your mind or realize it doesn’t matter anyway. In fact, I have a good mind to … what was I saying? Anyway, yesterday, I had my booster shot, so I’m good to go—all those sixes are already hard at work!
I am thankful for apathy and its saving grace. I have said it before; I have much sympathy for apathy because all sides of everything are equally guilty. In this respect, I am most thankful for the politically lost, deluded, paranoid, and stupid, for they help to remind me of how idiotic, narrow-minded, and egotistical the human condition can be. (See: Donald Trump and the current virus counts). It doesn’t matter if you are right or left; it’s all the same; you are all equally guilty … and you all know who you are.
I am most thankful for my humanistically sardonic sense of humor and creativity that helps distract me and also reminds me that dystopia is perspective—and so is utopia! The Dadaists, by the way, said the same, which is why I give thanks to them and the mess they left behind.
I am still quite thankful for the Sun—but not the Florida kind of sun that fries your brain and melts your sneakers before you make it to one end of a parking lot. No, I am thankful for the Sun that rises each day, reminding me to do the same. Probably, I should say thanks to Helios, but I am reminded that he was, after all, passive-aggressive and a horse-beater.
Mostly, in my homeless state, I am most thankful for my friends and the ones who love me unconditionally; you know who you are. I am also very thankful for anyone who has bought my books or our band’s album (see links below). I am editing a new novel. I’m not sure when it will be ready, but it will be a real mind-blowing head-scratcher and make both the Greek historians and the Satanists quite agitated.
I am thankful to Netflix for desperately reminding me everyday by e-mail why I canceled my subscription in the first place. Oh, that reminds me to be thankful for hackers, pirates, and spammers, especially for all the laughs. I am thankful for all the thoughts and prayers, even though all of them together and five cents still won’t buy me a cup of coffee, especially a “flat white” which is rare in Greece.
I am thankful for Karl Marx for all the wrong reasons, but more so for Groucho Marx, for all the right reasons. If you don’t know the difference between the two, consider yourself blessed for ignorance is bliss. If you do know the difference and are still confused then you’re probably just in denial—and that’s OK, too, because it’s Thanksgiving and “Denial” is not just a river in Egypt.
Thanksgiving, of course, is an American holiday—not for the Native Americans and indigenous people to which it’s a day of mourning—but anyone can give thanks on the day, as they can on most any day. It’s just nice to be reminded, even if you hate Americans of all color, that there are those out there who plot to make you feel guilty just so that you can seek salvation in consumer grace by spending all your money on pigging out and celebrating the holiday season, because … as mentioned above, “Money beats soul, every time.”
With love, from the gutter of life
.Jay L. Schwartz (Agent Provocateur), Nov. 25, 2021
PS. Christmas is coming …
Links: CONSUME here and BE SAVED!
My absurd novel, O Little Central Florida Town of Bedlam. Get it cheaper on Kindle and save a tree. https://www.amazon.com/dp/B08SL879PX
Loitering Words, my absurd book of lyrical poetry and prose. You can also save a tree here, too. https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07CKP1378
“Seeds and Stems” – The Transmystic Blues Sniffers’ album. https://transmysticbluessniffers.bandcamp.com/releases