Nervously Unnerved By Noxious Nothings

Hanging down from my window
Those are my wind chimes
On the warm breeze the little bells
Tinkle like wind chimes
Though it’s hard I try not to look at my wind chimes
Now and then a tear rolls off my cheek
Close your eyes and lean back now listen to wind chimes
In the late afternoon you’re hung up on wind chimes
Though it’s hard I try not to look at my wind chimes
– Wind Chimes (Brian Wilson / Van Dyke Parks)

When was the last time you stepped outside of your head? If you have never done so, I highly recommend it. It can save your sanity. Trust me.

Recently, I’ve had a lot on my mind and just simply ‘too much on my plate’. So much so in fact, that at one point I felt my head teeter to one side, listing and threatening to capsize all rational thought. I did not take this as a good sign. Distracted by the obscenity of this circumstance, I began to obsess compulsively, despite my being repulsed at my impulse to do so. It was then when an errant thought arose, plopping into my mind; it was certainly more of a ‘plop’ and less of a ‘pop’.

At that moment, I found myself standing just off to the side of my mind’s mental highway, staring in bewilderment at a seemingly endless parade of thoughts. They lewdly sashayed their way down the neural pathway, hustling each other along like an errant festoon of Dionysian Mardi Gras party-goers. Now I can ‘surrey and picnic’ with the best of them, but this scene of fervent irreverence was quite surreal. I must confess, I had expected more of my thought processes.

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Intrasomatic Conspiracy: Part 2 – Attack of the Medical Acronyms

“Attention to health is life’s greatest hindrance.”
– PlatoHow true. As I mentioned in my last post, I’ve been off to the doctors recently to discover why I’ve had a plethora of medical problems over the last few years. Some might call it age, but I think not. I believe that it’s more likely that my overall level of health has been compromised at the behest of some intrasomatic conspiracy my body is apparently conducting.Allergies, arthritis, hernias, psoriasis, Barret’s Esophagus, gum problems, sinusitis, tinnitus, ocular pressure and of course, gastrointestinal distress have all manifested themselves over the years, preventing me from attaining systemic nirvana. Lord, if I still lived in the United States, someone would have thrown the Big Golden Book of medical acronyms at me, for certain.It seems that these days, medical acronyms are omnipresent. They seem to have part and parcel of mainstream Americana(bbaseball, hot dogs, apple pie and adverts for IBS and GERD).  Purchase almost any US based magazine these days and there’s no doubt you’ll find at least 2 medical related ads before the table of contents.Not sure what a medical acronym is and why you should be concerned? Here’s a definition, especially for non-Americans who wonder where all the alcohol advertisements have gone: – a woefully long litany of letters suggesting a range of medical disorders “you might have”… according to the advertisers.

You see, since the American “powers that be” decided that it was culturally beneficial to thumb our collective noses at alcohol and tobacco advertising, these medical acronyms have bogarted the majority of all print-advertising space and television commercials in the United States. What I also find bizarre is that the proliferation and preponderance of these acronyms in advertising have made it politically correct for Americans to proudly confess they suffer from GERD and IBS, rather than from heart burn and the shits… and all in good company!

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Intrasomatic Conspiracy: Part 1 – An Ill Wind Blows

The last month or so, I’ve felt a bit like some of the characters Woody Allen has played in his films. You know the characters: the worried ones that are priming themselves for a shot at being ordained a Patron Saint of Hypochondriacs.

Yes, I can relate, except I’m no hypochondriac. As such, I’ve been on a pilgrimage to find out what’s wrong with me. I need a handle on the situation. I need clarity. I need to make some sense of the random and collective aches and pains I have … and also a few chronic conditions, to boot. Not to mention the other few medical concerns, I might be plagued with, that I read about on the Internet and that are awaiting some medical confirmation.

There are days when I feel better, and then there are days when I feel worse. My body seems to have a rhythm all it’s own and resists any attempt to improve the status quo. Really, I’m not kidding. I think there is some intrasomatic conspiracy going on somewhere in my central nervous system. Consider the following evidence:

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