‘An Outing Of Vanity’
Forgive me vanity for I have sinned.
Those who know 12-step programs are wont to say “just be honest and tell your story” and you will be heard and accepted. OK, so here it goes:
My name is Jay Schwartz. I am a 52-year old American who lives in Greece. I’ve spent most of my life pleasing others at the expense of my inner-peace and have created havoc and chaos in my existence, and in those of some others as well.
To my core, I am an artist, a performer, and a creative genius. To the world, I’ve been a person who has worn a variety of professional and social hats, perhaps much too many for one man’s life. At times, I’ve been a ‘pleasant fellow’ to some, while to others a ‘trouble maker’ or ‘provocateur’. To myself, I’ve tried to simply be me, but have failed miserably to commit. I’ve failed too hard and too often because I’ve allowed sensibility and the concern for others to suck my energy away … as I’ve humbly waited in vain to be recognized for my brilliance.
As a result, I’ve been too stubborn to do right by my passions … and also too self-sabotaging to do right by the expectations of others. Where has that left me? I’ve mutated into a disgruntled incarnation of the Beatles’ ‘Nowhere Man’ … hopelessly “making plans for nobody”.
I’m sorry but despite my past efforts I can no longer be what you’ve wanted to me, which anyway is something I’m sure you’ve suspected all along. I thank you all for both your love and indifference because in equal measures they have lead me to where I am today. And now … you can all fuck off. I don’t care anymore. It’s too tiring to be both the sweetest person you have ever met and the devil’s advocate rolled into one.
I hope that those who have really loved me in the past will continue to love me, as I will continue to love them unconditionally. However, it’s now time that I learn to love and nurture myself … and my art.
One day, I hope I can hold my head up high and sing that old anthem proudly:
“I love me. I love me. I’m wild about sweet me.”
I remain, Jay Schwartz
Meanwhile, please enjoy this ode to narcissism and vanity. Sing it loud and sing it proud!
PS: Thank you for all your birthday wishes … LOL Much LOVE and DADA to you all XOXO!